Don't Worry, I Still Exist

This post is, at most, a chance to tell you all that I have not fallen off the edges of the earth but have been in a holding pattern of adjustment for the past few months which rendered me absolutely unable to produce a blog post of any consequence. And while, today is seemingly indifferent, I felt like my life was swiftly changing for the better.

As most of you know, the year 2009, seemingly hit with a distaste for Dave and my life in general and we have been riding it like a roller coaster with no stop button. Our move to Manitoba seemed like a fresh slate and while it was indeed new and always exciting to a degree, it was wrought with misadventures and trials (see our Northern Escape blog for more detail). But, as I lay in my Peppermint bubblebath today and my cats gathered to keep me company, I thought over the past few weeks and realized that these trials that seemingly plagued our lives since coming to frosty Manitoba, were better and much more fun that the despairing months of '09 in Lethbridge. And I doubt it was Lethbridge, or our circumstance, or any of the bad things that mounted one on top of the other, but God's way of pushing us into the direction we wished to go but could not see.

Dave and I had grandiose plans for our future and tons of burdens in our lives that we thought were getting us there, but unfortunately, they were pressing us down and we were losing sight of the end zone. We were both at jobs that made money but were not coming out on top and I was a University tiringly moving forward and our dream home, and my theatre and my bed and breakfast and Dave's discovery of his lifelong career were second to the struggle of every day life.

Then, we moved out here when Dave lost his job because it was then that things came into perspective. He lost his job because he was not happy, I wasn't happy at my job and definately not at the University. We wanted trees and family and small town and a chicken coop at our dream house which was big and warm and cozy. And one day, Mom told me that her and Jim were moving back to the Duck Mountains and as she showed me the land that could be mine, I knew that my dream house would look impeccable in those trees.

The first few days, as always, were an adventure, but as life sunk in and Dave struggled to find work and I supported both of us on my part time job, and we have spent all our extra money on gas for the van because the Cavalier's insurance and registration ran out and we go for a month without groceries because there is no money for more, the dream waned. But, Dave and I learned to love eachother more completely, we learned value and commitment and strength in marriage. We spent nights together, listening to music and making meals out of all that was left in the house for food, labelling them and putting them aside so we knew we would make it for two more weeks. We spend entertaining evenings with my Grandma and Aunt and Uncle instead of going out. We read to each other and embrace our creative sides for lack of TV and malls. We have been using our spare time to make everyone's Christmas presents this year and we have been trying for a family of our own. And all these things, including the hardships of no money and a gas guzzling vehicle, made for a wonderful change in our lives and I feel Christmas as a time of reawakening and a promise of 2010 as a year of many great things. I am proud of us this past year; a year to test a new marriage and a new life with more tears and yelling and frustration than ever thought possible because it brought us happiness and absolute strength.

I am keeping my New Years resolution blog but will change it for the New Year....Dave and I have made resolutions these past few months for ourselves and for eachother in an attempt to make sense of our relationship and ourselves, and I am sharing mine with you on that blog. I will be updating it shortly and will hopefully be writing on the Prayer blog as well (and more often to) as it relates to my resolutions.

I am excited and cannot wait for what my future holds.