Don't Worry, I Still Exist

This post is, at most, a chance to tell you all that I have not fallen off the edges of the earth but have been in a holding pattern of adjustment for the past few months which rendered me absolutely unable to produce a blog post of any consequence. And while, today is seemingly indifferent, I felt like my life was swiftly changing for the better.

As most of you know, the year 2009, seemingly hit with a distaste for Dave and my life in general and we have been riding it like a roller coaster with no stop button. Our move to Manitoba seemed like a fresh slate and while it was indeed new and always exciting to a degree, it was wrought with misadventures and trials (see our Northern Escape blog for more detail). But, as I lay in my Peppermint bubblebath today and my cats gathered to keep me company, I thought over the past few weeks and realized that these trials that seemingly plagued our lives since coming to frosty Manitoba, were better and much more fun that the despairing months of '09 in Lethbridge. And I doubt it was Lethbridge, or our circumstance, or any of the bad things that mounted one on top of the other, but God's way of pushing us into the direction we wished to go but could not see.

Dave and I had grandiose plans for our future and tons of burdens in our lives that we thought were getting us there, but unfortunately, they were pressing us down and we were losing sight of the end zone. We were both at jobs that made money but were not coming out on top and I was a University tiringly moving forward and our dream home, and my theatre and my bed and breakfast and Dave's discovery of his lifelong career were second to the struggle of every day life.

Then, we moved out here when Dave lost his job because it was then that things came into perspective. He lost his job because he was not happy, I wasn't happy at my job and definately not at the University. We wanted trees and family and small town and a chicken coop at our dream house which was big and warm and cozy. And one day, Mom told me that her and Jim were moving back to the Duck Mountains and as she showed me the land that could be mine, I knew that my dream house would look impeccable in those trees.

The first few days, as always, were an adventure, but as life sunk in and Dave struggled to find work and I supported both of us on my part time job, and we have spent all our extra money on gas for the van because the Cavalier's insurance and registration ran out and we go for a month without groceries because there is no money for more, the dream waned. But, Dave and I learned to love eachother more completely, we learned value and commitment and strength in marriage. We spent nights together, listening to music and making meals out of all that was left in the house for food, labelling them and putting them aside so we knew we would make it for two more weeks. We spend entertaining evenings with my Grandma and Aunt and Uncle instead of going out. We read to each other and embrace our creative sides for lack of TV and malls. We have been using our spare time to make everyone's Christmas presents this year and we have been trying for a family of our own. And all these things, including the hardships of no money and a gas guzzling vehicle, made for a wonderful change in our lives and I feel Christmas as a time of reawakening and a promise of 2010 as a year of many great things. I am proud of us this past year; a year to test a new marriage and a new life with more tears and yelling and frustration than ever thought possible because it brought us happiness and absolute strength.

I am keeping my New Years resolution blog but will change it for the New Year....Dave and I have made resolutions these past few months for ourselves and for eachother in an attempt to make sense of our relationship and ourselves, and I am sharing mine with you on that blog. I will be updating it shortly and will hopefully be writing on the Prayer blog as well (and more often to) as it relates to my resolutions.

I am excited and cannot wait for what my future holds.

Bad Days

Do you ever have those days where the tiniest thing goes wrong and it feels like it's going to ruin your whole day? And you know very well that it in no more than a week it will feel like something that hardly happened but somehow you can't seem to make it so at that moment? I had one of those days today and I wish I knew how to have instantaneous forgive and forget in those situations. I did get over it within four hours so I'm getting there. In fact, I feel downright pleasant (if not very tired) so good day to you all.

A Very Quick Update

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a million years and my only excuse is that pretty much zippo has been happening. I finished my semester with B pluses and have registered for the fall. I am now holding the keys to the office and have been working non-stop for the last month or so. The biggest news, however, as most of you know, is that I got pregnant three months ago. Unfortunately, the news today is that I am no longer pregnant. Last Tuesday, I lost the baby through an arduous three and a half hour labour. The good news is, I'm okay but the healing process physically is a long one. My hope is, that I'll heal in good time and that by August, Dave and I will be able to start trying again. It's been a particularily long and tough summer which seems disappointing because I was hoping to get a good break in before going back in the fall. We're keeping our fingers crossed and hopefully my next blog will contain lighter news. Love to you all and blessings on your summers.

The Beginning of a New Week

Whoever thinks throwing your back out is for the elderly has never done it. I had a muscle spasm near my tail bone on Friday and by Saturday I couldn't walk straight. It is now Monday and I'm still in quite a bit of pain and I have a weird pressure on my spine. I've felt around back there and it doesn't hurt to the touch but I did feel a muscle bulge which means that I've probably got inflamation from something small and it's causing me all sorts of trauma, like fascia pushing against the muscle (the 'bulge') which is causing my spine to tighten in defense and so on and so on. I tried walking it off today and I've had Dave massage around the area so hopefully I'll get this thing beat.
I've FINALLY found someone who seems to be working out for front desk night shift. His name is Jessey Noble and he's not only catching on quickly but he's easy on the eyes. It's been a long and arduous journey during the hiring process so I'm assuming that my back thing may be attributed to stress.
School is back on full-swing now and I think it'll be good. Usually after the first week, I'm stressed and having my first mini-breakdown just by overanalyzing the work and my overachiever behavior. But this time, all is well...so far.
I'll keep you posted,

Dave had his first car on ice scare of the winter yesterday! We were travelling to Cowley for Jim to tune up both cars and Dave was behind me. Suddenly, I looked back and didn't see him. I pulled over and phoned right away and he had hit black ice, overcoreected his steering wheel and turned a complete 360 to the opposite side of the highway where he was now parked. We decided not to go any further and turned around back to Lethbridge where we had lunch at Ricky's with his parents. He went to work for a few hours and I spent my time relaxed with my writing and a movie. Back to work today to interview for the night position and I have three one right after the other-this could be an interesting and ultimately saving my butt kind of afternoon. Wish me luck.

A Lovely Sunny Day

At work again but feeling good. I came home last night to some Supernatural and time with my husband and then had a terrific sleep. I slept in until nine when I was rudely awakened by someone in Illinois. I had breakfast and vegged to 'Sex and the City' before taking a nice, relaxing bath. I grabbed a green tea latte before work and have been slowly taking down Christmas decorations. It's good.

Happy 2009!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Well, everyone, it's been a full year and we're starting in on 2009. I'm pretty excited-I had a fantastic previous year and am so looking forward to the new one. I'm hoping to post more and keep some updates happening (kind of a New Year's Resolution).
New Year's Eve was fantastic. I worked until ten but then I went home to my husband and Mom and Jim and we ate and drank and played Scattergories and Scruples finishing up the night with 'The Golden Compass'. I cooked the first big meal of the year which of course was New Year's dinner. We had ham, garlic potatoes, peas, butterhorns and mini cheese cakes. I worked in the afternoon and was extremely tired but then I came home to Dave and one episode of Supernatural and bed. I had an extraordinary sleep and got some running around done today. I went to the bank with all my holiday bonus and paid off some bills. I bought my school books for the semester and worked out. I've been at work since two and it's been a relaxed afternoon. I have cashing out to do and then I'm going to do some last minute chores and settle down with my book which I might miraculously get finished before I have zero time left. Hope to post again soon!
Holla!

Cheers Summer, Welcome New Beginnings

I figured I should do a post since school is starting and this may be the last one physically possible for me to write for awhile. So many things are sneaking up....summer is coming to a close which, for me is okay. There were a few things I didn't get out of it like camping and some more beach time, but it was good and I'm always excited by the fall. The cool, crisp morning, the rumble of school arriving, the autumn smell, the knowledge of Thanksgiving and fall wreaths. Halloween and the slow descent into winter when the world seems sleepy. It makes me content, and excited and calmed all at the same time. I am getting somewhat excited for the new school year, however daunting I know it will eventually be...I'm excited because I'm going with my new husband and at the end of all things, there are so many opportunities, my head spins. I have the knowledge that this will get me closer to a job I could do well past retirement, it will get me to my dream house which is my most favourite part of all this, it will allow me to see the world and build my own theatre house.
And, I'm getting married...a big step for me after discovering two years ago that I could care less if I ever married as long as I could have children. It's actually odd to me to think that I found someone I want to compromise some of my single freedom for but there's no one else I'd rather accomplish all the above with than my best friend and he'd help make fine looking children!
So, I guess that's all I had to ramble on about for today. Peace out.

When You're Troubled...

1 To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
2 in you I trust, O my God.

Do not let me be put to shame,

nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one whose hope is in you

will ever be put to shame,

but they will be put to shame

who are treacherous without excuse.
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,

teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,

for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth

and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;

therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right

and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful

for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,

forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?

He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity,

and his descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;

he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,

for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;

free me from my anguish.
18 Look upon my affliction and my distress

and take away all my sins.
19 See how my enemies have increased

and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me;

let me not be put to shame,

for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,

because my hope is in you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,

from all their troubles!

The Sixteenth

Today Dave is taking me out on our first romantic date in months. Last week, he surprised me after work with a box and inside the box were two gifts....both jewellery (yes, I found a man who knows how to buy jewellery and since we've been together has bought me three pieces, not including my engagement ring, which is sadly at Charm right now having the wedding band fitted). In the first case was a necklace designed to match my wedding ring; he wanted to give it to me on our wedding but didn't want me to go buy something and then wear this on the big day instead. In the second box was a replacement ring to wear until I get my original back. It's very pretty, silver with three little (fake) diamonds. And, on the back of the box was a note with the sixteenth written on it. So, the short side of this story is that I get to buy a new dress and that excites me...I love dress shopping.

Greek Philosophers Day

'Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain that they are their own.'-Aristotle.

10 Reasons Why I Love My Tree

1. It's huge.
2. It offers shade in the summer.
3. It gets leaves before the other trees on the block in Spring.
4. It looses it's leaves first in the Fall.
5. It's tough against the wind.
6. It's just plain pretty.
7. It houses a few robins.
8. It makes a perfect spooky tree on Halloween.
9. It supports my rain spout so I don't get leaking in my basement.
10. It doesn't produce poplar fuzz (even though it does shed those annoying sticky things).

Happy Mother's Day

Whew! Mother's Day was a whirlwind! On Saturday night, Dave and I stayed up late making pancake batter and prepping salads. We were up at six o'clock the next morning and drove an hour to Cowley to wish my mom a Happy Mother's Day with flowers and pancakes. Then, at ten, we drove back to Lethbridge, put some finishing touches on salads and burgers and went to the 'in-laws' to give Mama flowers and lunch. Then, it was back to work for me.
Today, is limerick day, so here is a little one I wrote:
There was a boy named Dave
Who was the Kingdom's knave
He broke into the mead
And stole the King's stead
So, the sent him to live in a cave

Happy Strawberry Festival Day!

Happy birthday to the strawberry which I celebrated by baking a creamy berry dessert. Yum.

Happy Birthday Robert Browning

Today is Robert Browning's birthday so Dave and I decided to pick a poem and read it. I picked a few and I find that Robert Browning is a horrific poet (in my opinion) mostly due to the fact that his words seem only meant to rhyme and a few of his poems actually don't seem to make any sense whatsoever. And then, I found Porphyria's Lover and it's actually really good. I enjoyed it; it gives a true sense to romantic poetry.

Porphyria's Lover

The rain set early in to-night,

The sullen wind was soon awake,

It tore the elm-tops down for spite,

And did its worst to vex the lake:

I listened with heart fit to break.

When glided in Porphyria; straight

She shut the cold out and the storm,

And kneeled and made the cheerless grate

Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;

Which done, she rose, and from her form

Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,

And laid her soiled gloves by, untied

Her hat and let the damp hair fall,

And, last, she sat down by my side

And called me.

When no voice replied,

She put my arm about her waist,

And made her smooth white shoulder bare,

And all her yellow hair displaced,

And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,

And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,

Murmuring how she loved me---she

Too weak, for all her heart's endeavour,

To set its struggling passion free

From pride, and vainer ties dissever,

And give herself to me for ever.

But passion sometimes would prevail,

Nor could to-night's gay feast restrain

A sudden thought of one so pale

For love of her, and all in vain:

So, she was come through wind and rain.

Be sure I looked up at her eyes

Happy and proud; at last I knew

Porphyria worshipped me; surprise

Made my heart swell, and still it grew

While I debated what to do.

That moment she was mine, mine, fair,

Perfectly pure and good: I found

A thing to do, and all her hair

In one long yellow string I wound

Three times her little throat around,

And strangled her. No pain felt she;

I am quite sure she felt no pain.

As a shut bud that holds a bee,

I warily oped her lids: again

Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.

And I untightened next the tress

About her neck; her cheek once more

Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:

I propped her head up as before,

Only, this time my shoulder bore

Her head, which droops upon it still:

The smiling rosy little head,

So glad it has its utmost will,

That all it scorned at once is fled,

And I, its love, am gained instead!

Porphyria's love: she guessed not how

Her darling one wish would be heard.

And thus we sit together now,

And all night long we have not stirred,

And yet God has not said a word!

Robert Browning

Quick Recap

Okay, so for the last few days, we've been in Vancouver for wedding dresses, but we still tried to do our festive days. Thursday was Global Prayer Day so we jammed to some worship on the drive to the Pass. On Friday was Truffles Day and we enjoyed a bag of Lindor chocolates. On Saturday was Raspberry Popover Day so we took some down to the ocean and ate them by a dead seal (yes, that sounds gross). On Sunday was Significant Other Day and we didn't really do anything but Dave and I were in a van with eachother for fifteen hours straight! I can't remember what Monday was for some reason, but today is No Diet Day so Dave and I decided to pick something junkfood-like and consume it. I tried the new Oh Henry Rocky Road chocolate bar and it was pretty darn good. That's all for tonight folks. Peace out.

Dancing Day

Since I get off work late...there's no real time to do anything except watch a dance movie and even though this movie is pretty much crap, the dancing is pretty cool and Dave and I already watched Dirty Dancing and Save the Last Dance this week so this was next in line. Party on!

Great Poetry Reading Day

A long, long time ago when Cass and I lived together and there wasn't much in particular going on, we decided to take those silly little every day celebrations like Hug Your Friend Day and do something for them. Well, Dave and I decided to try that this month. So, on the twenty eighth, was 'Great Poetry Reading Day' so we each picked a poet we enjoyed and read a few of their poems and then wrote one in that style. I picked Ellen Hopkins who writes books like poems similar to Sonya Sones. So, here's my poem:

Kissing is wierd,

for me at least.

In the beginning

all I know how to do

is kiss and kiss

until my lips are numb.

And then it wears off

like a drug high

and passion comes

from somewhere safer

and oddly enough,

somewhere more intense.

Passion comes from

my entire body

not just the 2%

on my face.

And I think

I like it best that way.

Hello blog...I've missed you.

Hello from Warm Lethbridge!

Wow, I almost never have time to post anymore so I thought I should make a go of it with the few minutes of Class I have left. So, the wedding grows ever closer! Invitations have been made and should be sent out sometime next month! I just have to make a few phone calls and make a final draft of the guest list. And bridesmaids will be contacted again, I swear....As soon as school is over, I'll be much more on the ball. Wow, too much work! Work is going well, too and I've posted a little here and there on prayer blog and such. I can't wait for summer though! No school, camping, suntanning, and planting my flower beds! I'm so excited, I've even started buying some of my plants and working at growing them in the house...I've become a mini-nursery! Anyhoo, my lovelies, I'd better scoot...Class is starting.